blah blah blog

Hey kids! I just wanted to toot the Tampa Bay Rays horn a bit before they probably blow it, like usual! Not yet, however! They are a cohesive baseball machine right now…sweeping the world champion Boston Red Sox for the second time this season! Not only have they swept the BoSox, but they also swept the Cubbies, Angels, Marlins and Orioles this season! On fire baby!

Congrats to my Rays! I’m not a bandwagoneer people. I’ve always been a Rays fan…even during the yucky times. I know that one of you is going to say, “Oh, a Rays fan, huh? I thought you were a Tiger fan.” Well, you’re right, Sister! I love those Tigers as well, and always will. I must say though…if Tampa Bay plays Detroit in the playoffs, I’m a RAYS fan. Love the one you’re with. Love the one you’re with. Love the one you’re with. Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do…dododo…dododo!

Lemme tell ya, I’ve had a great past couple of months. Yesterday, however, took the cake. Hillary Clinton and her Cankles have dropped out of the presidential race. My “predictions/guarantees” have come to fruition! Don’t get me wrong, I rarely ever say never…so she could become veep if, God forbid, Barack Osama is elected and invariably assassinated (again, God forbid). I mean, honestly, I don’t wish an assassination on anyone, but, it could happen. Remember Eddie Murphy’s take on Jessie Jackson being elected president? First we had the Pope Mobile. If Osama bin Obama is elected, we’ll have the Pres Mobile. There’ll be new meaning to bullet proof glass!

Anyhoo, I just wanted to gloat.

Me and my crew just got back from the backwoods city of Olive Branch, MS. We stayed at a place called Brigadoon Farms. The crazy old lady that ran the place was about as bi-polar is they come. At one point, she had some new folks staying at her Bed & Breakfast, so she came down to the bunk-house where we were staying and stole our blankets and pillows (some of which we had brought from home.) I approached her about our missing bedding and she said, she would bring our items back. Well she brought my pillow case back, with some hard as a rock pillow. I’m like, WTF lady…that’s been my peddow and binky for years and I want the shiite back! I’m sure some Fat Fedex guy from Tupelo is blissfully slobbering on my perfect down pillow.

The place was beautiful. 140 acres with a big pond that we all fished. One of my crew was going to “Survivorman” it out in the woods, but chickened out because I told him he couldn’t bring his T-Mobile. The bi-polar proprietor owned four dogs that were caged in concrete kennels directly behind my bedroom. Two German Shepherds, which I adored. A Pit-mix and a Doberman. They barked from the time we got there until two minutes before we left. Delightful! It is a good thing that I brought the Wii, because we would have been bored out of our skulls. There was no cable and the TV only had rabbit ears for reception so the only channel we got was CBS. We thought it was snowing the whole time we were there. If you have ever been around 10 men who longed for the NBA playoffs with no cable…well, you get the picture, or not. Pun Intended.

Then, about a week into our stay, we all got sick. Our fearless leader, Jeffro, was stricken with Periocarditis and had a heart attack. I got a terrible infection on a cut on my hand along with influenza. It was a site to behold. Fortunately, we all survived. Jeff is back on his feet and doing well. Hopefully Houston next week will be uneventful. Git’r done and go home!

Happy Sunday, all!

Are you going to vote for the Nut with two boobs? …or the Boob with two nuts?

On one side, you have a bitch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer, and a lawyer who is married to a bitch who is a lawyer.

On the other side, you have a true war hero married to a woman with a huge chest who owns a beer distributorship.

Is there a contest here? I’m just sayin’.

My dad sent me this picture of this poor guy, just before he lost his life.

(more…)

I grew up in Edmond, Oklahoma. Graduated High School in 1982.

Until yesterday our claim to fame was the phrase “Going Postal.” Yep, some nutjob went to work at the post office in my home town and shot 21 people, killing 14 of them before turning the gun on himself.

I know, not a very happy “claim to fame,” huh?

Finally, we’ve got a new and improved claim to fame. Bill Self, Edmond Memorial High School Graduate and NCAA Mens Basketball National Championship Coach! Good for you Bill. Personally, I think it was one of the best college basketball games I’ve ever seen.

Sure, it’s fun to watch the Gators win back to back championships, but…I don’t know any of those guys! I know Bill! I’ve watched his entire basketball career, from the time he played for the Edmond Bulldogs through his career at Oklahoma State. One of my favorite days was when Larry Brown gave him an assistant coaches job at Kansas. If Larry sees talent, there’s talent. Obviously Larry was right.

Congratulations Bill. You are a superstahhh. Need an agent?

Barack Hussein Obama will never be President. Ever. He and Hillary are idiots. Barack, if you aren’t smart enough to get a friggin’ photo-op right…what else could you possibly screw up. I can just imagine. You talk into the other side of the phone Barry!

Michael Lamont Gary, the bastard who murdered my brother in law, Brian’s, mom confessed this past week. Like I said, you don’t try to “off yourself” unless you’re so guilt ridden that you can’t live anymore, which was the case. He had been saving anti-depressant pills for the 3 or 4 months that he was in the county lockup. The day before his preliminary hearing he ingested all of the pills, AND for good measure he soaked his hands in muratic acid which he had been saving from his cleaning job in the pokey.

They rushed him to the hospital and saved his worthless life. His hands were so badly burned from the acid that they had to amputate both of them. (sort of a consolation prize, for me anyway.)

Brian’s sister Cindy has been fasting every Wednesday and praying for three things. 1. That the murderer be caught. check! 2. That the murderer confess. check! 3. That the murderer has a spiritual awakening and finds God. evidently check ~

He told his jailors that there was no reason for him not to have died and that it just wasn’t his time yet. He confessed and said that he wants to speak to the family directly to apologize for his stupidity and ignorance. I guess I would too if it were going to keep me off of death row.

Shirley Shell was such an amazing woman. Had this man come to her door during the day time and asked for help, she would have done anything to help him. Anything. Thats just what kind of woman she was.

Hi kids. Here is a video I found on “The Tube,” as I like to call it. I couldn’t stop watching this kid. He’s amazing!

I don’t know if you guys remember, but this past summer my sisters mother-in-law, Shirley, was brutally murdered in her home. Months later a scumbag named Michael Lamont Gary was arrested while using her credit card for gas. When he was arrested, police found a key-chain inscribed with Shirley’s husbands initials. Pretty incriminating if you asked me. However, police still thought that this was very circumstantial and weren’t very confident with their case. They had no DNA evidence. Nothing that really placed him at the scene of the crime even though they were confident that they had their man.

Gary’s preliminary hearing was this past Friday. My brother-in-law, Brian, traveled from California to face the accused. It never happened. Evidently, Gary had been prescribed anti-depressants while in jail. Somehow he hid the pills in his mouth and stockpiled them for several months awaiting trial. Thursday evening he attempted to commit suicide by ingesting all of the pills he had stockpiled in his jail cell. He’s now in critical condition in a hospital in Oklahoma.

If that isn’t an admission of guilt, I don’t know what is. Don’t try to weasel out with an “I’m Crazy” plea. It won’t work.

If you’d like to see the news story click on the link below: http://www.kfor.com/Global/category.asp?C=9667&nav=menu99_2_1

When you arrive at the news site go to the “Friday @ 10PM link” and scroll over to the the 3:10 mark of the video.

There is a picture of Shirley holding my nephew Matthew on the news story. Incredibly sad.

Is this STATUEtory rape?

Just wanted to check in. I’m alive and kickin’. Stayin’ busy and enjoying the holidays. Sans college football after my Gators loss to the Wolverines who got beat by Appalachian State, for cryin’ out loud. Cheese and Rice, I was disappointed.

I did something over the holidays that I don’t reccommend anyone ever do. Drive in the same car with your parents for 3700 miles. Not good. Remember in previous posts when I loved my parents dearly? Ya, not so much now. Just kiddin’ around, I still adore them, but will never EVER drive to freaking Oklahoma with them unless we’re in a $500,000 motor home with a full bar and maybe some go go dancers. You know, you can’t really speed on the interstate highways like you used to. Johnny Law is everywhere! No I didn’t get a ticket, but I probably should have. The Garmin said that my top speed was 90 mph. Mom and Dad were obviously sleeping at that point. Anyhoo, we made it.

My trip was awesome though. I won $261 thanks to the Cherokee Nation! Yep, sat at the blackjack table and got hot! I was up way more than that, but got greedy and stupid and didn’t remember the ol’ “The Trend is not Your Friend” saying. Daing.

My niece, Holly and her new husband Scott got married while we were there. Holly’s dad, my brother in law, Eric and I were talking about movies one night. I said, “Oh, I love that movie ‘Knocked Up!’ Have you seen it?” “Seen it?” he said, “I’m livin’ it!” Yep, Scott and Holly have been dating for 7 years and planned on getting married. In fact, they were going to announce their engagement when Scott graduated in June, but they had a “whoops.” The wedding was so fun, and I’m so proud of both of them.

Thats all I got for now, but I am going to leave you with a picture of my daughter, Alissa and I dancing at the reception. Ciao!

I found this over on Michelle Malkins site. It truly makes me want to vomit.

A friggin’ Muslim with a headscarf frisking an elderly Nun at the Detroit airport. Makes sense though, doesn’t it? Detroit does have the highest population of Muslims in the U.S.

One of Malkin’s commenters did say that he went to Catholic school as a youngster and that Nuns do know how to terrorize. He does have a point!

Life is great, actually! The ol’ saying, “Everything happens for a reason” could not be more true in the case of your friendly blogger down here in Florida! Shutter slutting (as the Queen of Dysfunction called it) didn’t turn out like I had hoped. As a matter of fact, my good friend Kevin who was my counterpart in South Florida just quit the Shutter company too. Not quite the gazillion dollars that they’d promised us. Nottatall!

Erstwhile, I’ve become a sub-contractor for a company out of Navarre, FL doing retail fixture and signage installations all over Central and South Florida and my buddy Kevin has been giving me a hand. It’s been fun and I’m about tripling the money I made at the sham shutter co.

Anyhoo…in the mean time, our landscapers/close friends Bobby and Andee King (freshly married, I might add) just finished landscaping our front garden. They ripped out all of the old yucky plants and replaced them with new, hearty Florida foliage and in lieu of the pine bark we had in the bed, replaced it with a beautiful crimson rock. Looks really nice. I also added a sprinkler system to the bed for easy watering! Here’s a before shot.

Here’s an after shot. They did a fantastical job!

Soo…what else has been goin’ on? I did an installation downtown Miami Tuesday and Wednesday. I installed a display case that looks like a vault into a jewelry store. Turned out pretty cool. When I arrived I was a little leary of how this installation was going to go. The Jewelry store owner was Jewish. Oy yuy yuy, I thought. This is gonna be a long day. Then since I was early, he made me stand outside until they opened their store. So, here I stand with all of my tools that I had to lug about 3 blocks because parking is ridiculous in Miami, sweating my ass off…and bums are askin’ me “for a little help for the homeless.” Seriously, I wish I could have had about 10 copies of the “Miami Herald Help Wanted Ads.” Sure! Here’s a little help for the homeless! =/

Here’s a picture of the finished product. I know what you’re saying, “Nice electric cord sticking out the top!”

How’s about O.J. Simpson? What an idiot, huh? Ok a murdering Idiot. Whatever. I don’t know why I feel like he’s being set up, but I do. I wouldn’t be surprised if his deceased wife’s family’s got their hands in it somewhere. You know what really sucks about it? TV is going to be all O.J. all the time. Even on the sports channels. At least ESPN left the Natalie Holloway story alone.

Mary and I have been diligently remodeling the house one room at a time. I must say, it’s coming along quite swimmingly!

Tony’s Room. Check.

before:

after:

Dining Room. Check.

Don’t have a before, but here’s an after:

Living Room. Check.

Before:

And after:

Master Bath. Check.

Before:

After:

Hallway. Check.

Study. Almost Check!

During:

So, that’s where I’m at. How’s about you guys and gals? You stayin’ busy?

Oh, I’m taking down my Presidential Poll. Although the Frothmistress’ pooch, Beebs, came in a close second…it looks like Fred Thompson is going to be our next President. And…Mark my words, Hilary Clinton will never be the President of the United States. Ever. Period.

Oh, one more thing….

I transplanted a palm tree in the yard. Wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but…it weighed about 600 pounds. I dug around the entire base of the tree to preserve the root ball, dragged it out of the hole with my F-150, with Mary’s help loaded it onto my trailer, drove it to it’s new home and muscled it upright and buried that bitch! Took me two days and a sore back for about a week. Here she is:

Well, it doesn’t look like 600 lbs, but trust me…it’s big!

Oh, another thing! A great tidbit…

As you probably remember, my sisters mother-in-law, Shirley, was murdered in Oklahoma several months ago. Well, this idiot named Michael Lamont Gary was caught driving across country several times using her credit card to fill up his tank. When the authorities arrested him, he said that he got the credit card from someone at a party for a bag of weed. This all took place in Ohio where he faced extradition to Oklahoma. It’s all coming together now. The detectives are shootin’ holes all through his story, and we may have found the animal who caused this tragedy. God, I hope it’s him. If it’s not though, I hope they don’t send an innocent man to prison for a crime that he didn’t commit. God, I hope it’s him.

Ciao

Hi Guys and Gals! How are you four?

Its amazing how low that ol’ sitemeter gets when you don’t visit other blogs or post to your own! I’m sorry, rally I am.

Y’see…life happens. Feces occur. Back in the day I had nothing to do but wait around for something to do, but not now. I’m busier than a one legged man in an ass-kickin’ contest, and it feels good. When you’re idle, you post. You have enough time to think of cool stuff to say to people who are idle themselves. Which isn’t easy. So, here I am…trying to save face.

Ok, I know there are a whole lot of people who run their busy lives yet have time to stumble upon my blog a few times a week. I do appreciate it…I’m just sayin’.

Thing is…you get so friggin’ tired but you think of funny stuff to say during the day but by the time you get home at night you totally forget about the funny things that you thought of in the first place. Then you think of something that you said last Tuesday, but you have nothing to add to it so you have this three line blog post that really isn’t that funny so you don’t post the friggin’ thing anyway. I’ve kept a “funny thing to blog about” list in my truck and I have a few funny things on it, but they are totally “Out There” and I don’t have that George Carlin touch to bring all of these goofy things written down on the back of a Home Depot receipt to be worthy of a blog post. Ever been there? Ya, me too.

So, here I sit. Saturday night. Glass of wine and not a thing to do. Gators won. Life is good.

I can hear the conversation between arab men now. “Ok, this on the left is uhhh….ummmm…errrrr. I know this one next to her is uh…well, maybe that’s not her, yeah! No! In the name of Allah, I have no idea.”

I’ve been very very busy! Its been fun.

Since we’ve spoken I’ve: Remodeled a doctors office from “Fugly” to “Fabulous” Here’s a before and after of the exam room:

I assisted a friend in building half a Pergola….

I created a website for my friend who I’ve been remodeling the doctors office for. She’s going to open About Face Skin Boutique. She’s going to be beautifying women (and metrosexual men) all across our great city! You can see the almost completed site Here.

I leave for Tampa Bay this afternoon for three jobs over in that area. I’ll be installing a Martha Stewart fixture-system into Macy’s stores. Ok, so I may continue this hiatus through this week. Until then…

I’ll try to get more before and afters up…they looks great if I do say so myself.

T

I found this picture over at Agent Bedhead’s site. I’ve always been a big fan of Cameron Diaz.

I was able to snap this picture of Cameron just before she went into the Tonight Show studios.

It’s all coming together for me now.

Salman Rushdie is getting a divorce from the lovely and talented Padma Lakshmi , host of the TV show “Top Chef.” You may remember Salman Rushdie when the late Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, Iran’s supreme religious leader, pronounced a fatwa, or religious edict in 1989 that called on Muslims to kill Rushdie because of perceived blasphemy in his fourth novel, “The Satanic Verses.” Basically Rushdie made fun of Muslims like we all do. Way to go Sal!

Now, I’m thinkin’ Sal’s come down with some erectile disfunction because Padma is takin’ that midnight train to Georgia. Said she’s goin’ back to find (going back to find) a simpler place in time.

Truth be known, the poor girls had to spend millions on security because Salman still has a price on his head. He’s saddened because Padma, who I think is Tangy, Tart, Hot and Sweet, made the best curried pigs feet this side of the Pecos.

However, she may be divorcing him because it’s been rumored that Rushdie is working on his 6th novel, “Buddha, you fat fuck.” Coming to a bookstore near you.

Not a political blogger, but I do have some views…I tell you.

Firstly, thank you to the Senators who voted to oppose the Shamnesty Bill. President Bush, I’m befuddled at why you’d have the cajones to champion a bill like this. It’s a good thing you aren’t running for President again. I wouldn’t vote for you. But only for that reason.

Don’t get me wrong, I thank you for the way you’ve kept our country free from a 9/11 style attack. No matter what the means.
Thank you for cutting taxes and rebounding our economy after such a horrific event. Thank you for that “You’re either with us or you’re with the terrorist” comment.” It was exactly the difinitive statement/question at that particular time in history.

Now, here we are. 2000 plus days later. Truck bombs loaded with the proper explosives to kill hundreds of innocent people on the streets of London, where I’m pretty sure that they’re sick of the extremist muslim fuckers too. I’m ready for internment camps if/when it happens again.

I must say that the bigot is coming out in me as this process unfolds. I’m looking at people from south of the border in a whole new light. I like them less. Not the ones here legally who’ve assimilated, but, the ones in the supermarket screaming at their unruly children en Espanol. Yeah, you guys.

I keep hearing, on that dreaded talk radio, that people of this country are hungry for a third party. The Republicrat Party! (pretty sure I didn’t coin that) I love talk radio because it’s an open forum where people on both sides of the issues can debate like human beings. I sometimes agree with what filthy liberals have to say, except when they say it in a condescending way.

Here’s my idea: Republicrats of the States Unite! Let’s vote for Fred Thompson! He’s honest and forthright. He appeals to people in both of the other partys. He’s FOR building a fence to protect our country; not only for the sake of illegal immigration, but, for the sake of security. He rubs elbows with influential celebrities in Hollywood. He may be able to innitiate a proper forum for all of us to take our country back from power hungry politicians. And lastly, he’s not Rudy Guiliani; whose tenet on the War on Terror is the only reason that I would vote for him.

I’ve had my presidential poll on the sidebar of my blog since November 6th, 2006. The results are hilarious to me because Shillary Clinton is ranked in first place. It’s funny to me because my friend Chickie voted for her three times. Here they are by rank:

Hillary Clinton:	27
Rudy Guiliani:	26
Somebody Else:	15
Tom Tancredo:	15
Barrack Obama:	8
John McCain:	7
Newt Gingrich:	5
George Allen:	2
John Kerry:	1

Now, on my sidebar I’ll have one last pre-election season poll. Who’s it gonna be? Hillary or Fred? Vote early and often!

P.S. Chickie, there’s your shameless plug! I thought about that a when I wrote it, but then I was wondering how stealthy you were trying to be!